Cause all I want is everything you're not.

This is how I was feeling..

Trying to get over someone is never fun nor is it easy. Especially when you had just casually refreshed your newsfeed on facebook and saw that the boy you liked went from being "single to in a relationship" so naturally you start creeping on his page to find out who the girl is. You find the girl then immediately start creeping on her page to find out that not only was he hanging out with you this past summer, but that girl too. Sure it's easy to blame the girl rather then the boy, but she had no idea that I existed, just like I had no idea she existed. You want to blame the guy, but even then you can't cause you guys were never seeing each other exclusively.

You know the saying "you always want what you can't have" that's how I feel. I didn't want him before. Actually that's a lie, I did. I just acted like I didn't to everyone that knew about him. I didn't want to get hurt. I thought he was different. He was fun. But then I received a certain text from him that turned me off. It made me question if he really liked me or if he just wanted to get with me, so I pulled myself away and acted like I had no interest. But then as soon as I saw he wasn't available, I wanted him.

The more I sat and thought about it to myself the more I missed him and wanted to be with him. But then the more I talked about it with my best friend the more I realized I didn't want him. To be honest there were a lot of things I didn't like about him. I mainly just liked having a guy there, a guy to hang out with, a guy to text. Then I realized what I liked most was the attention I was getting. There, I admit it, I liked knowing that someone had interest in me. I knew I could of had him if I showed more interest. But thinking about how you want something to be doesn't mean that's how it's going to end up. If it's not how you want it to be then leave, you can't force it to be a certain way.

So i've decieded I'm leaving and moving on. I'm taking this as a learning experience and realizing what I want in a guy and what I don't. I wish you two the best, and if It doesn't work out don't come running back to me because i've realized that all i want is everything you're not.